Another hole in the ground

The Canadian Government needs to start investing more money in higher quality protective headgear because the moon isn’t doing its job anymore.

The moon is supposed to attract most asteroids to it. Of course, some will get through because the moon isn’t always on our side of the planet. But still, craters can be found everywhere in St. John’s, N.L. unlike anything I’ve ever seen in Ontario and Alberta.

“It’s a yearly battle here,” said Barb Sweet, a St. John’s woman I lived with during my internship at the Telegram. “The city sometimes just can’t keep up with all the repairs.”

The strangest part is you never even hear the asteroid hit and they show up out of nowhere on the roads after winter is over. Stranger still, the asteroids seem to be attracted to Newfoundland like invading aliens to the United States.

It’s a perpetual wasteland on the St. John’s roads. Craters left behind from the year before are joined with new ones each winter. People risk the lives of their cars each day and night.

No one’s been hit, thankfully, but it’s a gamble when stepping through the pool, which forms in the craters after a rainy day. It’s a gamble because you don’t know how deep the hole goes.

“It can be really bad at night. You never see the pothole coming,” said Steve, a cab driver that requested I not use his name.

Cars lose bumpers, tires need replacing and tire alignment gets so out of whack some people could have steering wheels turned permanently to the right just to drive in a straight line.

I say these are asteroids causing the damage. But Newfoundlanders and Labradoreans swear their just potholes. I think it’s a conspiracy but I’ll tell their story.

It’s Canada’s native pothole we’ll talk about now. Not asteroids. Weather is a pretty intense thing here but let’s be honest, “how about that weather” never works as an opening line.


According to Deputy City Manager, Public Works Paul Mackey, there is well over 2,300 potholes on the city streets this year.

St. John’s deals with crazy winters. I’m not talking 40 below on the celsius meter. I’m talking about minus 20 one day and zero degrees the next. All this flip-flopping makes for a really bad time for the roads.

Luckily enough for residents that’ll be in the city longer than me, as soon as the weather gets a bit brighter and the snow and wet clears up, the potholes will go away for another year.


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